nighty night

hey guys! i'm tired. how are you?

so i'm a nurse now. seriously. a nurse. how did this happen?? and i love it. LOVE it! and night shift... it isn't that bad. well, except for the lack of sleep. boo lack of sleep.

a few things that have happened since i started working through the nights... i'm disoriented alot. so i sleep like 9am to 2pm between shifts. my alarm went off on sunday afternoon and i couldn't for the life of me (for about half a minute) understand how it was light out in the middle of the night?? another shift i was walking in to the hospital, CONVINCED that it was 6:30 AM rather than PM. it's bizarre to work through the night while the rest of the world is asleep. it's weird to eat lunch when i should be curled up in bed. it's just odd. but it works. we've found an amazing sitter who helps us and bub's dad comes to stay with the kids so i can sleep between shifts too. and i work sat/sun/mon and then i'm off the rest of the week. bub and i never have a whole day together. ever. so that kinda stinks. but it's best for the kids right now.

and guys... being a nurse kinda rocks. i LOVE it. it's hard. it kicks my ass. i'm still a baby, BABY nurse and have only learned to juggle three patients at a time so far (thank goodness for a LONG preceptorship). i still hardly know anything at all. but to be able to help people. to be there when they're feeling awful and scared and sad... to maybe make all that a little easier. to calm their fears a little. to provide simple comforts that many take for granted. i love it. all of it. well, maybe not the CDIFF poo :-) but other than that, it's pretty amazing.

guess that's it for now. we're all slowly adjusting to this new, crazy life. bub loves his new job too. exhausted, a little stressed, but blessed. that's our life right now.

the kids are amazing. nugget LOVED halloween this year. she was such a big, brave girl and went up to all sorts of houses saying her, "trick or treats". doodle is such a happy, sweet boy. i love my precious babies :-)

hopefully it won't take me another month to update... but we'll see!

xoxo

what does the fox say?

guys, we've been living on limited social interactions these last few months. two unemployed, bummy new parents doesn't exactly equal lots of pop culture knowledge flying around our house. SO when i saw the, "what does the fox say?" guys on ellen a couple weeks ago it was new.to.me. however, the rest of you all seemed to know about this already. um, do an exhausted, sheltered mama a favor and post this crap on facebook my friends. it's the only way i hear about this stuff. if you're even more tired and sheltered than i am do yourself a favor, go to youtube and watch, "what does the fox say?" do it. now. i'll wait....


ok, now that your mind has been blown. on to other fun tidbits.


we're "working" on getting doodle into a better sleep routine. guess what??? it's not working. at all. the little stinker now takes what are so warmly referred to as, "cat naps".  sounds nice enough, right? our cats sleep all day. i'd love to sleep like that. you know what they really are though? 20-30 minute teases. he'll doze off happily and sweetly and i sneak off to do important things like watch "let's make a deal" or eat giant bowls of cinnomin toast crunch and before i can even watch wayne brady give a lady dressed up like the queen of hearts $150, the little peanut-man is awake in his bassinet and ready to par-tay. ugh. at least we're getting him out of the swing, right? all you mom's out there that LOVE to share that your 4 week old is sleeping 22 hours a night, just don't. we're lucky to get 4 hours of sleep in a row. and i want to take my 18 white noise machines and smack you in the head with them. i'm just sayin'.

i looked in the mirror today and ugh, not liking what i'm seeing guys. how the hell am i supposed to work out though? i want to lose 30 pounds. but i like donuts. and bacon. and cheese. i'm guessing that's a problem? i also like sleeping, taking a shower at least every other day and being the kind of mom that does good stuff like changing diapers and feeding the kiddos every now and again. when in the world do i have time to hit the gym or steam quinoa? the last 4 years of my life i've either been pregnant or in school full-time... i've let my smokin' hot bod (ha.ha.) turn in to more of a jello-mold sort of motif. are you good at working out? good at creating healthy super meals you can prepare in 20 seconds or less? contact me. help a chubby mom out please. ok, ok, in all seriousness. i do plan to get back into the swing of things. i'm hoping once november rolls around and our new schedules have sort of settled i'll be able to carve out at least a couple days a week for some gym time and i've been trying to eat healther. excpet for right now. right now i've got a king sized bag of m&m's next to me. look, doodle just had an epic meltdown. the m&m's get it. they understand. they just want to help :-)

ok. everyone is asleep. i best get my booty to bed. after i'm done tucking the m&m's in first of course.

nighty-night.

life with a mini-dictator

hey guess what - bub and i are both employed now! as in working for a paycheck and we ain't gonna starve employed! God has blessed us beyond belief and we both will be working at jobs that we are BOTH super excited about. my excitement is tempered with a huge dose of fear though. i'm gonna be a nurse guys. a real, in the hospital, gonna give you this IV now and not screw up kinda nurse. uh, hello panic attack. i'm so so excited, but so so scared. thank goodness there's a nice long orientation period, i'm going to soak up every second with my preceptor.

funny enough, bub and i both start work the very same day. cue the second panic attack. what on earth will we do with the babes? i won't bore you all with another of my classic freak-out rants. i know we've made it this far and everything has fallen perfectly into place, this too will. i think my biggest concern is that i've been so lucky to basically be home full time with nugg and doodle up to this point. i don't want to be away from them so much :-( october is going to be a little nutty while i'm starting my training. i'll be on days for a few weeks. but once we hit november i should be transitioning to nights and then at least they'll be home with daddy and just with a sitter a couple of days a week so i can sleep between shifts.

ok, enough of that... so nugget. oh sweet, darling, wonderful nugget. she's almost three. just a few more weeks and we'll have a full on preschooler running around the house. to hear her though you'd think a tiny little dictator had moved in. i thought we'd survived the terrible two's fairly well. i'm wagering to say the three's are going to be a doozy. she freaks out about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. does anyone else have experience with this? she cries if i put her milk into the wrong color sippy cup. she told me yesterday that apple juice was "dirty juice" and she wouldn't drink it. she flipped out b/c bub threw away a diaper box this morning. she's been using it to practice opening "presents" for her upcoming birthday. oh, the humanity. daddy threw away her box! she had her first real puke a couple weeks back and now anytime she decides she doesn't want to eat something she tells me that, "it's not good, it make me sick. it makes me throw up". what?!?

despite all her sassiness, you kind of have to giggle at it. she's so determined about things. she knows her own mind :-)

speaking of which, she's informed me she will have a "dinorawr" birthday party. so i'm busy planning all sorts of dino themed shenanigans. and she's also told me she's going to be superman for halloween. i love my little lady!

doodle is doing wonderfully. the little lovebug is now 18 weeks old. he's still a little hobo, with no place to call his own, camping out in the kitchen. but we'll work through that. he's my tiny little chunk of love. oh i want to snuggle him forever! after we get nugg down at night, doodle and i have our own little routine. he gets his bath about 8pm, which is LOVES. he kicks and stretches and splashes :-) then he gets his jams on and we snuggle up on the sofa with a bottle and hang out. we talk about important things and he tells me about how he loves bouncing on everything. it's pretty awesome :-p he falls asleep and i always hold him way too long. i know i need to let him fall asleep on his own, but at the end of a hectic day when he's all clean and warm and smelling like that sweet angel baby smell, how can you just put him down?!? his favorite things right now are his bouncer saucer thingy and laying on the floor and putting his feet in his mouth :-)

ok and real quick... it's fall tv time! what are you watching?? anything new? we're kind stuck on our old favs - new girl, modern family, HIMYM. so excited for modern family tonight!

xoxo

living in a shoe

you know that ancient nursery rhyme about the old lady and her many children, all living together in a shoe. i feel like that lady... i AM that lady.

let me first preface this rant as clearly a first world problem. i know that this isn't really in fact a dire predicament. all i am saying is that good golly it feels like though.

our house is tiny. i know this isn't news to anyone who's read this blog for any length of time. but seriously. it's so small. and when we just had nugg it was fine. she's got a little room. we've got a little room. everyone was cozy. then doodle came along. and still, it was fine. he slept in our room for a while, just as we anticipated he would. nugg is in her big girl bed. the crib is all set up in their room just waiting for doodle to get in. we were ready, when the time was right, to have the kiddos share a room. then. then. then. THEN our dreamy little sleep plan crashed and burnt all to an ambien-induced hell.

i don't know what it is, but the transition from crib to big girl bed caused nugg to stop sleeping through the night. ugh. i hate everyone who pushed us to get her out of that crib. EVERYONE said - get her out, get her out, get her out. and i said - nope, nope, nope, she's fine. she sleeps in there and we sleep and everyone sleeps and it's fine. i did recognize that she would have to vacate the crib eventually, ya know, so doodle could camp out there, but i should have put it off as long as possible. because now the child wakes at least once a night. and is up at 6am. and fights to go down every night. every night. EVERY night people. the crib? no prob bob - she'd climb in and snuggle down and be happy as a little clam all the night long. ok, so there ya go. first problem. she's also randomly decided that doodle's crying will set her off like an angry little tornado of sleep-deprived doom. ok, well we all pile into about 900 square feet of living space. where can i go with a screaming baby that she won't hear? WHERE? outside? ok, i guess? but doodle needs his little comforts too. and you know, it's a little sketch to be rocking a crying infant outside in january.  ok, hurray sleep strike two. the final straw. we have no where to put this kid. no where. so he sleeps in the kitchen. but he can't do that forever. i want them to share a room. i want them to both be great sleepers. but i'm exhausted and on edge and i don't know if i can make it on one more night of everyone keeping each other up. what do i do people? so far he just sleeps in his swing, but he's getting bigger. so we've concocted the idea that he'll get tucked into his pack 'n play in the "laundry room" - AKA a tenny, tiny closet that the pack 'n play won't even fit all the way into. we'll tuck him in as best we can though i guess. i hate this. i hate that he doesn't have a space. i hate that i can't rock him for an hour and snuggle him in the quiet of a peaceful room like i did with nugg. the poor little hobo has no where to go. how do i help the kiddos transition to sharing a room?? and what do i do when he needs to start going down before she does? i can only bribe nuggie to NOT wake her brother so many times. HELP internet. help me turn my teeny tiny shoebox sized house into a sleeping paradise for all of us!!!!

pizza deliciousness

check out this pizza delight! please also note the massive size of it all. i have the best recipe for homemade pizza. like sauce, dough, all of it. it takes a couple of hours from start to finish - you know waiting on the dough to rise and all that good stuff - BUT, it's totally worth it if you have the time. you're supposed to make several small pizzas from it, but well i thought one gigantic pizza bigger than the size of my pizza stone sounded like a great idea :-) i rolled up the edges (b/c it was in fact so oversized) and made a nice thick crust. bub and i devoured a good chunk of it last night and there are lots of leftovers for lunch today.

its been another long week around here. but it's ending on a positive note. i mentioned in my last post, but the Lord continues to speak tons of peace into our lives. we continue to be amazed by the kindness of others. words of encouragement and offers to help have really given us extra encouragement. i know jobs for the both of us are on the horizon.

in an effort to make a little cash to buy the kiddos fall/winter wardrobes i've started selling stuff on ebay. i've sold tons of textbooks through their other site half.com, but its been years since i sold anything on ebay. literally. i was updating my account and it had my maiden name on it and an address that i lived at with my sisterkins before we both marred and moved. i've already sold my first item and i'm hooked! bub better watch his stuff, i'm liable to snap a pic of it and post it up for sale :-P

and i'll leave you with this gross little snippet... we got some decent sleep last night - five hours i guess, but still in the fog of waking up this morning i managed to grab a dirty bowl out of the dirty dishwasher and proceeded to eat my cereal out of it. i didn't even realize it was dirty until i got to the bottom of the bowl and realized there was pizza sauce from dinner last night all over the outside of it. uh, GROSS. mama made herself a big old pot of coffee after that. it is time to wake up! oh and yes, i immediately ran the dishwasher!

potty training 101

guys - nuggie is potty training. awesome right? kinda sorta. look, i'm all for her getting out of diapers, BUT good golly it's like a million percent more work around here these days. every 15 minutes it's,

"do you have to pee pee?" "do you need to potty?" "let's go pee in the potty"

and then there's the

"mom, mom, i HAVE to pooooottttttyyyy" and "mom, mom, the pee pee is coming out!!!!!!!!!!" and the "NNNNNNOOOOO" when i ask her if she has to pee as she's holding her knees together and doing a weird squatty dance.

there is pee everywhere. like everywhere. all over the bathroom. all over my living room rug. all over all the clothes. everywhere. by the end of the day the child is usually naked as a little jay bird b/c well, it's just easier.

and oh good heavens, don't get me started on the circus that is the child having a bowel movement. it takes about 4 tries of running back and forth, sitting on the potty, nothing coming out, her freaking out that nothing is coming out, getting off the pot, running back to it and then she has to find lovie (her little tattered blankie that goes EVERYWHERE with her, apparently even to the toilet so she can poop) and then bury her head in it and let the glorious poo experience take place. 

she's getting it though. she really is. she made it to church and back and stayed totally dry and used the potty there. we've made a few other trips out and she's stayed dry too. today, the big test - off we went to preschool in her big girl undies. and of course we get stuck in some nasty traffic on the way there this morning. the whole time i'm thinking, "don't pee, don't pee". and you know, she didn't. and she came home with only two pairs of wet shorts. not too bad really.

so i'm doing laundry like 18 times a day now and poor doodle gets laid on the bathroom rug while i'm helping nuggie up onto the potty. and i'm not doing much else during the day now but asking the poor thing five hundred million times, "do you need to potty?" but she really is doing it and i'm super proud of her. she's getting too big way too fast.

ok and look ---

this will change your potty training life. for real. we had the grubby little potty chair in our already too tiny bathroom and it was gross. and i was gross. and everyone was gross. THEN, we talked to some friends of ours who shared with us the wonderfulness that is this combo toilet seat. guys, hello - its got a kiddy seat built in to it. no dumping buckets of pee and poo into the toilet - she can just use it and flush it and life goes on. if you're needing to potty train a kid soon - run, RUN i say and purchase this for your toilet. you will not regret it.

on a lighter note...

so the last entry was a little dark. and i'm sorry, but kind of not. i used to journal. like all.the.time. and as a busy mommy, i rarely have time to sit with my notebook in a quiet place and write. somehow typing away on here just seems easier... so many people reached out with kind words of encouragement and i truly appreciate it all. bub and i both just had a really rough time of it last week and i was feeling so discouraged. at church on sunday it felt like the Lord was speaking peace into our lives, even in the middle of this. and that has helped so much.

the thing is, i didn't expect our life to look like this right now. like at all. we've been hanging on by a thread the last couple of years, trying to get me through nursing school. using student loans to fill in the gaps that me not working left in our budget. we looked forward to the day when i'd be employed and we could do things like go to the grocery store and not worry so much about the price of a box of cereal or you know, maybe have the funds to replace the 13 year old car sitting in our driveway. but instead we're even worse off. what kind of a nurse can't find a job?!?  but you know, it really will work out. it really, really will. life never goes how we thought it would. sometimes that's good and sometimes it's bad. right now is sort of a bad time, but it could all change in an instant. and it will. so until then i'm going to try my best to be positive and trust that it will all be ok.

alright - so that said - let's get back to some fun chit chat.

first, our oven nearly crapped out on us today. and after everything i was like - ok, seriously. now? the heating coil thingy literally melted in half. what? i never even put the darn thing about like 400. i'm too scared to broil things. i've always been convinced i'll burn the house down that way. how does it melt? and of course it was just as bub popped a giant raw chicken into it. thank you Jesus (seriously) for friends who know things about things. we know a guy who was able to talk bub through what needed to be fixed. he ran down to the parts store, grabbed a new coil and $40 later it was good as new. side note - the chicken was amazing!

second, we found the biggest. scariest. most giant-ess (that's a word, right???) caterpillar/grub looking thing EVER this morning in our garden. oh, my poor, sad garden. it all started and then died b/c i just couldn't keep up with it. so we were all out there cleaning it up and trying to get it back in order when we saw it. i was convinced it was a lizard tail. we've got mosby, the vicious hunter cat (ok, he's not really vicious at all - but he does bring all sorts of dead treasures to the door step) roaming around. uh no, it's a caterpillar and it's gross and huge and sitting in a tupperware in my kitchen right now. i'm a super nerd and sent a picture to some know-it-all at UT trying to figure out what it is exactly. Pita (my momma) is a super garden queen and she thinks it's a tomato hornworm. it's huge. i said that right? i'll let you know what they say!

third, can i brag on my baby boy. i know - it's like a cardinal sin of parenthood. you never, ever, EVER brag about how great things are, b/c as soon as you do all hell usually breaks lose. but c'mon, i have to. he's the best. he's got to be the most chill, happy, laid back little dude. he's so smiley and wonderful. we are so so blessed by his happy addition to our family. a few things though. he sleeps in the kitchen. yep. in the kitchen. why you may ask? why is my baby tucked away with the blender and the crockpot? b/c we're all sleeping this way. with nuggie i was so wound up about where and how and why she was sleeping and you know what, the girl STILL didn't sleep. she didn't sleep through the night routinely until she was nearly two. was she in her crib every night? yes. but you know what, we were all still exhausted. this time around i've taken a totally different approach. our babies are good. like really good. and for the important stuff i'm being firm and that's that. other things though, like tucking doodle in with the pots and pans (ok, not REALLY people, calm down) i'm totally fine with. nugg is a light sleeper and doodle is still up every 3-4 hours to eat, so he can't go in their room yet. he's also a noisy little sleeper, lots of grunts and snuffles and squeaks. so when he was in our room he was keeping bub and i up. so a new plan was made and now we're all getting the best rest we can for right now. i'm learning that being a parent is so much more about flexibility and going with the flow rather than following the letter of every parenting book. we know our babies better than dr. spock or sears or whoever.

ok, and finally... miley cyrus? really? maybe i'm just getting old, but seriously - someone tell that girl to put away her foam finger, put on some clothes and quit "twerking". which i had to look up, b/c i'm that old and didn't know what the hell that even was.

so many lemons...

i've been wanting to blog for a while now. wanting to write and get some feelings out. i've tossed the idea around. maybe i over share? maybe this makes me look less like the adult of a certain age i'm supposed to be? maybe a potential employer will search me out all google-style and find this and never hire me? maybe my kids will track this down and be embarrassed by their mother's rambling? i don't know. and honestly at this point, i don't much care. life is hard. it is. and i'm an over-sharing loony. so deal. it's therapy for me to write and journaling just isn't my thing anymore.

so here we are. about six weeks since bub got the big boot from his job. and we're all scared. worn out. on edge. what's going to happen? what will we do? we've both hunted down jobs all across the country. no one wants us. a move is most likely on the horizon for us. nashville is just proving to be a wasteland where job seekers of our sort go to hang in breeze like a bad pair of mom shorts on a clothesline. all awkward and ugly just hanging out there. not wanting to be claimed by anyone. and my heart is broken. while moving is in fact something we've tossed around in the past, the idea of it going down like this literally hurts my heart. nashville and i have been together for 12 years now. 12. that's longer than i've lived anywhere. it's my home. everything that is important to me has happened here. i met bub. our first date. our wedding. our first home. our babies. all of it. and now here we are, about to be forced out to who knows where. i honestly thought i was doing a smart thing becoming a nurse. i thought i'd have no trouble at all finding work. obviously i didn't expect to walk out right into my dream job, but hello. i'm a nurse. what sort of a nurse can't find work anywhere? me i guess. and bub, his line of work is tricky and kind of hard to come by.

we have to take care of our kiddos. and soon our little stash of emergency money will be gone and we'll be left with nothing. so a decision has to be made. what kind, i don't know. i keep praying about it. people keep telling me it will all work out. i'm not so sure folks. i know alot of people in the Bible who were believers who had their lives literally crumble around them. will my babies and i end up on the street? lose the little we hold so dear? i don't know. i know i want to stay here. i want to work. i'm a hard worker and not afraid to do what needs to be done. i want to raise my babies in the place that has made me who i am. i want them to know the beauty that is a spring morning in tennesee - the dogwood flowers and pear blossoms. i want them them to walk downtown and giggle during CMA week. i want them to stay in our church and know our friends and eat biscuits at the loveless. i want to drive them around and show them the school where mommy and daddy fell in love.

my heart is sad and i don't know what to do. i want to blame the people responsible for this. but i know that does no good and they don't care. we were so close to finally. FINALLY. getting things together. and now we're back to nothing. only this time we have two tiny souls to care for. two HUGE reasons we can't mess up. so i guess if that means a move then we move. whatever it takes to care for them.

my heart is sad friends.

why i do what i do...

i literally just snapped this pic and i love it. i know i'm biased, but aren't they gorgeous?!? we have one of those little play mats that belonged to nugg and now baby man is getting some good use out of it. anytime i pull it out for him to lay on nugg insists on laying beside him. it's actually really sweet, especially now that he's starting to smile a little.

these two are my reason for being. if all i ever did in this whole wide world was to have them then that would be enough for me. amazingly enough i am also so blessed to have a wonderful husband, a brand new career, dear friends and countless other blessings in my life.

life has handed us a few lemons in the last few weeks though. i passed the NCLEX - yea! but can't find a job - boo. i have LITERALLY applied for 200 jobs. do i tend to exaggerate from time to time? yes. am i stretching the truth here? not one tiny bit. and of all those applications and hours spent filling out my name, address, job history and references i have had ONE call back. one. there's an interview scheduled for next friday - if you think of it please say a prayer for our little family that something would work out and work out soon. bub lost his job last week. as in he went to work and was told there wasn't a place for him anymore. more specifically he was helping me. i had a drs appointment and he took off a couple of hours to help me wrangle the kiddos. he left work to pick us up and two hours later went back and was let go. let go... sounds so easy. but it's not. and i'm heartbroken for him. i've been there, been let go from a job and it sucks. but that was years ago, before we had kids, before we owned a home, when it was just us and a crappy little apartment to take care of. he worked for his employer for seven years. do i want to find the people responsible for this and give them a piece of my mind? yes. perhaps a piece of my fist too. how do you do that? how does someone who's worked their ass off for years just walk into a place and get told their position has been eliminated. like it's just no big thing. pack your office that you've been in for years and go. don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. seriously??? bub asked me to be kind on this blog of mine. kind. polite. professional. all bullshit words right now. i'd love for them to show a shred of kindness to him. and now we're screwed. let me starve, whatever. but our babies??? we've got two precious little souls to care for. to house, feed and cloth. oh yea, and a few bills to pay too... a mortgage. student loans - they don't much care if we've got an income or not. food is kinda nice too. my bub is an amazing man. he's committed to finding a new job, but you can't force it i guess. i hope something works out soon. he deserves it. and i hope he finds a place that appreciates him, because any company would be lucky to have him.
 
karma is a nasty little wench my friends... till then we'll keep our chins up and our resumes fresh. i know this ugly chapter of our life will be behind us soon.

three months?!?

seriously guys - its been three months since i blogged last. that's pitiful. i do have sort of a few good excuses though! i graduated from nursing school - woohoo!! i'm so incredibly proud of this accomplishment. i have never, ever worked my ass off so much. it was the hardest two years of my life. nuggie was 11 weeks old when i first started back to classes. i've never been good at school. so to attempt a whole new degree with a little baby at home was a huge undertaking. but i did it! and i did it this whole last year being pregnant again. those last couple of months were so hard! i was HUGE and exhausted and still taking care of nuggie... anyhow - it's done and i did it!!!! i waddled to graduation and got that nursing pin and now you can call me amanda, graduate nurse! hoping to add that RN as soon as i pass my boards!!

so then, about two weeks later we welcomed our second sweet child - baby eli! i was so sure for weeks he'd come early and i had had so many false alarms, but wouldn't you know the little stinker ended up being late. LATE! in fact i had scheduled an induction. and at 3:30 that morning, just a few hours before we were to head to the hospital to get the labor going, i actually went in to labor on my own. this was such a relief, i felt so weird scheduling the induction. i wanted my body to do its thing on its own. i'm not super granola-y and i love my pain meds, but i also am not one to alter what nature does pretty fantastically on its own. so with nugg safe at home with her grampy, bub and i headed to the hospital. from here baby man had a few scary moments. his cord was wrapped twice around his neck and he was in distress and so there ended up being meconium that got into his lungs. after he was born he wasn't breathing well and i literally got to give him a tiny kiss on the head and he was whisked away to the NICU. and they kept him for 12 hours. i know in the grand scheme of things we are so so blessed. he really was fine, but those first 12 hours were torture. i don't know how mom's do it with critically ill babies. it was the worst feeling in the world to have your baby and then not to be able to hold him or rock him. we visited in the NICU and weren't allowed to hardly even touch him. he was laying there crying and i couldn't do a thing to comfort him but to put a palm on his tiny, very bruised back (he also had a tough time getting out and so he was bruised all over his head and back). well, i'm happy to say he's perfect now. he's so much different than nugg. he's a very chill little man. he's a cuddle bug who loves to be held. he hates to be swaddled or confined in any way though - so he hates the car seat (makes car rides super awesome). he's strong and holds his head up like a tiny champ. he loves the swing and to be patted on his cute little booty. he's a delightful addition to our family! nugg is amazing with him and wants to help with everything. i can't wait for him to be a little less of a lump and a more active part of our little family. i'm also kind of ready for the longer stretches of sleep to kick in. we've had a little trouble with feedings and so the little chunk is eating about every 2 hours round the clock... needless to say bub and i are pretty tired. the great thing about having your second though - you know that this season will pass and that before you know it you have a toddler running around the house. so even when we're up for the 4th or 5th time i'm trying to soak it all up. they're only this tiny for such a short time. and this baby factory is CLOSED, so he's it for us. well at least it for us biologically, we do hope to add to our family via adoption in the future (but that's a story for another day) all that to say, i'm really trying, even in the middle of exhaustion and not showering or peeing or eating or drinking a glass of water, to really enjoy it. it's funny - all this chaos and craziness really is such a huge blessing, such a deep love you could never imagine existed!

ok - so - there's that. school. baby. next thing - find a job. i need one, pronto. because we are more broke than i care to admit... anybody need to hire an almost RN???

i'm gonna try to keep up with this blog again. be warned - it will probably consist of me talking about kids and not much else. well, probably wine, lots of wine, because that's how you survive the craziness that is two kids. and also i need to discuss with you my new love of mad men. which is like the best show ever. and i'm hoping to also discuss my renewed goal to lose the weight i've packed on the last couple of years. i'm signed up for my first 5K in a while and actually got my fat ass to the gym, both kids in tow thank-you-very-much, this morning...

alright, enough for now. if anyone still reads this thing thank you for sticking around!

spring break... adult style

spring break 2013 has been a wild one, let me tell you... oh wait, no, not it hasn't - not at all :-)

i've enjoyed it don't get me wrong, but seriously, i could use another week off!

first of all, we've had homework. a case study, kaplan quizzes to work on, tutoring sessions to attend and oh yea, a HUGE endocrine exam to prepare for on monday. i've been working on that all week and still feel immensely under prepared for it. i know i keep saying it, but this semester is kicking my ass. and we're not talking like a jillian michael's ass kicking on biggest loser, we're talking like ending up on the wrong side of the law and being dealt with mobster style and getting your ass pounded with lead pipes and water-boarding and having some teeth knocked out and then watching your puppy get punted off a bridge just for the hell of it...  IF i survive this semester i know for a 100% fact i can overcome anything. the jury is still out though on whether or not i'll end up getting my pin on may 11 :-/

ok, so there's that fun stuff to encourage your day with...

THEN, there's the preparing for little man's arrival. i feel a little guilty. i know he's there, i know he'll be born soon, but i just haven't had much time to process it. i've always got my nose in a book or whatever. i decided i wanted to do some nesting this week to get ready for him. there's not been any time to prepare so far. so, i wanted to clean out stuff... the attic - to see if there was any gender-neutral stuff from nuggie we could use. i've cleaned out closets... which seriously makes me so happy! call me OCD, but whatever, there's not much better than a well-organized and tidy home. i painted little man's shelf that bub built for him. prepped the "baby" shelf in the kitchen again so we have all the bottles and burp clothes and bibs back out. car seat is in the car. double stroller has been purchased. drawers are starting to fill up with tiny diapers and tiny onesies. this weekend we're rearranging our bedroom to make plenty of space for his bassinet since he'll be rooming in with us longer than nuggie did. since they have to share a room i'm anticipating he'll sleep in our room for a while till he's at least *sort of* sleeping through the night. she's such a light sleeper, i know having a little roommate will complicate her night night routine.

this week has also been full of OB, endocrinologist and dentist appts. fun, fun, fun! you know you'd rather do all that than sit on the beach with a fruity drink in your hand. admit it.

in the middle of all this i've enjoyed some awesome quality time with my little nugget. she's amazing... i have to brag on her a little. i love that little lady more and more every single day. i've kept her home from daycare as much as i could (in between dr appts, tutoring sessions and errand running) and we've had some fun :-) we enjoyed the zoo one morning. which is even better this year than last b/c she's really starting to get excited about the animals. we've had lunch dates with dear friends and we've been able to snuggle and watch lots of cartoons :-) she's growing into such an amazing little lady. she's very compassionate right now and tender-hearted. she gets very concerned if she thinks someone is sad and will pat your shoulder and give you kisses to make you feel better. she's starting to sing alot and remembers songs from school. she hates being the center of attention though and will embarrass easily, so we're being sensitive to that, but also trying to show her it's ok to be silly and dance and sing. it's gorgeous today so as soon as she's up from nap we'll be heading out to play in the garden i think!

anyhow - that's a long summary of our little world right now. hope all is well for you my friends... happy spring!

el listo

it's been another month since i blogged. fourth semester of nursing school is to blame this time around. so here's a list for you...

- like i said, fourth (and hopefully final) semester began last month. each semester i think, this can NOT possibly get harder. and then it does. and i want to die. but not, b/c this is the hardest i've ever worked for anything and i'm proud of that. but we had our first exam last week. i seriously studied like 20 hours, minimum. i've NEVER studied that much for one test. and i failed. yep. failed. granted it was a 76, but in our program that won't cut it. and so now i'm failing the course. and i want to cry and be sad and it's stressing me out. i walked out of that test thinking i'd blown it away. and i didn't - at all. so on to exam two i guess. so much rides on me passing, i can't get another grade like that :-(

- add on to school that i'm still chugging along in this pregnancy. overall it's been amazing. baby boy is growing perfectly and i'm healthy... but i'm exhausted. all.the.time. i could take a nap any time, day or night. but i can't. b/c of school and being a mommy already. and it's all such an amazing blessing, but i really did not appreciate how good i had it the first time around being pregnant with nuggie. he's kicking like nuts and FINALLY has a name :-) just a few more months and he'll be here!


- nuggie is doing amazing. she's gone through a huge growth spurt and grew a couple of inches in like two weeks. she's talking up a storm and starting to play pretend. i caught her this morning playing house with a garden gnome. she was kissing him and patting his back and wiping his bottom b/c he was "poopy". she's going to make a great big sister. i worry so much about her and bringing this baby home though. she's our princess and the center of everything - how her little world is about to be turned upside down. i'm scared she'll hate me and not understand and think i don't love her if i have to devote more attention to little man.

- we got another goldfish. he's a sweet little guy who nuggie has named lolo. has anyone else encountered the nuts that work at petsmart though? i wanted to buy a $3 goldfish and i think it was easier to bring nuggie home from the hospital. the woman, who i know only had the best intentions, put me through the ringer asking about how i would care for this goldfish. we've got a little tank for the fishie and she made me promise i was going to buy a bigger one. seriously. b/c didn't i know that a goldfish (a SINGLE goldfish) needs a ten gallon tank? and then didn't i know that i had to vaccum the tank out to clean it? and you never put fish food just on top of the water, i could kill the fish that way. and when i asked to also purchase a snail for our little tank, she refused to sell me one. a snail. she said that my tank couldn't support a snail. seriuosly? i didn't argue with her - i'm sure she knows what she's talking about. but i essentially wanted to buy a bug. and she wouldn't let me. hmph! lolo is doing great by the way. nuggie and i check on him all the time and she loves to watch him swim around.

guess that's about it. happy friday friends!

a bitty baby BOY!

happy 2013 friends :-) i hope the new year finds you happy and healthy! i also hope you all had a much more exciting new year's eve than i did. mine consisted of organizing toddler toys and falling asleep on the couch at 9:30. being pregnant this time of year is super exciting ;-)

we had a great Christmas break. i ended up having my ultrasound a little early after having a teeny little bit of concern that maybe something was going wrong. turns out everyone is just fine and our little bun is in fact a little baby boy! bub and i couldn't be more thrilled. we'll have our little lady and now a bouncing baby boy to add to the mix. now to figure out what to do with the kid's room. nuggie's room was carefully decorated. and well, it's all very girly. lavender and white and sweet little birdies. since a new, bigger home isn't in the cards for us anytime soon the kiddos will have to share for a while. i'm not sure we really want to paint though - since hopefully we'll be selling sometime in the not too distant future i don't really want to go painting the room like half blue now only to have to paint it something more neutral when we put the house up on the market. how do i make up little man's corner of the room to look a little manly, but not do anything too drastic or permanent? and what colors will go with lavender? i guess it really doesn't matter at this point. as long as he's dry, full and cared for he probably won't much care what color his room is. but i think bub cares a little. it is his son after all. i know he'd like to man up the room a bit... any advice?

school started back up this morning. i am scared to death. like really, REALLY scared. there is so much riding on this semester. i've wracked up literally a small fortune of student loans (can't forget all those TNU loans i took out the first time around) - so those will need paying off in the very near future. we've been scraping by one income for over two years now. we're broke and i need to work. as an RN. STAT! so failing this semester isn't an option. but that's a lot of pressure. i'm just going to try to be successful every day. not getting behind, but not freaking out about what's ahead. i'll get through it all one day at a time.

did anyone watch downton abbey last night??? i LOVED that shirley maclaine was the mother-in-law! she was perfection!

anyhow, i don't have anything much else to report. guess that's a good thing :-)