Saturday, October 20, 2012

be careful what you wish for...

so remember that time not so long ago, i very embarrasingly announced to the WHOLE internet (or at least the 7 of you who read this thing) that my "baby clock" was ticking?!? i blame that whole, silly, awful post on a large adult beverage that may or may not have been consumed while typing it, though ultimately, i must take full responsbility on my over-sharing shoulders...

WELL - the blog angels above (or perhaps some devious little blog demons below) thought it might be funny to grant that wish... nuggie will in fact be a big sister sometime this may. ok, not "sometime" my due date is may 20. exactly NINE days after graduation. NINE. that's an awful slim window of opprtunity for this new little baby to make his or her appearance and me NOT still be a full-time nursing student.

as i am usually, i'll be overly honest and share too much i am sure. but like i said, since only about seven of you actually read this garble, you can all deal... i'm freaking out. and the fact that i'm freaking out is making me feel guilty. i'm not the only one. my dear mom aka pita, exclaimed, "oh shit" when i told her :-) (however immediately followed up with happiness and grandmotherly excitement!) that was about my feeling too. but again, that only adds to my guilt. baby's are a blessing. baby's are a wonderful, precious gift and here i am being selfish and freaking out.

i'm nearing the end of the first trimester. we've had a great ultrasound and little one is looking healthy as a jelly bean can look at this stage. this one is so different than with nuggie though. i have 24 hour a day morning sickness that typically worsens as the day goes on. i'm craving salt. all i wanted with nuggie was ice cream and sugar, not this one. give me chips, give me popcorn, give me a cheeseburger with salt on it! that said, i'm also trying really hard to not be a giant fat ass with this babes. it's not working too well though. i feel awful ALL.THE.TIME, so getting much done besides school, work, clinicals and oh yeah, being a mommy to the sweet baby i already have and paying a minor amount of attention to my awesome hubby, there's little energy left to hit up the gym. i'm fat. i'm trying to be ok with it. and by trying, i'm not at all ok with it. it makes me cry. but i keep telling myself when this is all said and done i'll be finished with school too. done with clinicals. done with the endless hours of studying. done with tests and that whole mess of stress. i'll just have two little ones and a full-time job to contend with. and honestly, after this hellish start to the school year (ask my classmates, it has been rough), that sounds like a piece of cake. surely i'll have a little time to get back to the gym and take care of myself again? maybe? don't answer that unless you want to say, YES!

freak-outs aside, we really are happy. a sibling is the best gift you can give to your child. i don't know what i would do without my sisterkins. and i know that it will all be ok.

let maternity-hood round two begin :-)