Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Eight Months?

Hey Guys,

Remember that time I'd blog.... and keep you all updated on the little activities of our family. Its been EIGHT months since I did that... What??? Alot has happened since the last time we talked. Ok, maybe nothing earth shattering, but still kinda big in my world.

Work is good. I wish I could talk about it more. But seriously, I have found my dream job. I'm so so SO lucky to be caring for moms and babies! No one has tried to bite me or claw me or poop on me in months!

The kid's are great. Both growing like little weeds. Rosie is starting pre-k this week. What??? How is that possible?? And E is two. And crazy. And so much fun.

We just got back from the beach. Someone please take me back. It was the fastest week of my life. And we didn't do much. How is that possible?? We went to the beach. Took naps. Ate. Went back to the beach. It was a little bit of perfection.

Ok, so work is good. Kids are good. Life is good. But why don't I feel that way? Hello - honesty alert - I'm a mess. My anxiety is seriously through the roof. I'm seeing the psych dr. weekly now (starting today, for real) and perhaps he'll help. I don't know. I can NOT stop worrying about every little thing. But thank God for real friends because I know I am not alone. I know that this too shall pass. But some days it just doesn't feel that way...

Anyways. This is short and sweet. But perhaps it will be the start of a regular thing? Who knows.

Love you all,

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

best birthday ever???

Today I turned 33. Thirty-Three. Please forgive me, but that's sort of depressing. I'm officially a 30-something. 30 was kind of fun, kind of novel. 33 - ehhh, I sort of feel like I should have accomplished more by now. It's all stuff related - clearly not all that important in the grand scheme of things - but still things you think about when one enters her mid-30's.

Anyhow, let me continue the ride on the pity-train. We woke up this morning to discover that we had no water. And did this little lady stash away even one gallon of water? Uh, negative. If my father was still around he'd say - did I teach you nothing??? Thankfully we soon realized that the water outage was not just our house but all of south Nashville... So at least it wasn't an issue with our pipes or something. Whew - first crisis averted. Next, the kids get up. Eli and I are standing in the kitchen getting a bowl of cereal and oops - he vomits all over me. Yeah - the birthday girl is covered in puke - and I hadn't even had a drink yet... Thank goodness the water decided to kick back on at that exact moment.

The rest of my day consisted of a TB skin test for work and a spilled very expensive and very sweetly gifted cup of coffee. Eli decided to take a shower in my Barista Parlor latte birthday coffee - don't worry, it was cold, b/c I hadn't had a second to sit down and enjoy the lovely cup of goodness - but he did pull it off the counter on to his head. It then showered my kitchen in a sticky, expensive mess. Finally, the cherry on the top of a wonderful day - Rosie and Eli got into a lovely sibling tussle that ended with E smacking his little head on the corner of the tv stand that resulted in a good sized gash on his head. This added to the other three goose eggs he's already sporting and I'm pretty sure a call to DCS is somewhere in our future... he looks like a little bruiser.

Brutal Honesty Alert - Sometimes I wonder why we had kids. I feel like the most under prepared, good for nothing mother ever. I reached out to a dear friend today in a sort of SOS moment... Quick - mommy is sinking. I'm not one of those women who can go with the flow. I never have and I guess I never will. A puking child doesn't just bum me out, it quite literally ruins my day. And it has nothing to do with poor sweet Eli. I know the little guy is ill and feels yucky. My brain just starts racing... He's going to puke all day and won't get to go to daycare and I'll have to call in sick and then I'll get fired b/c I've only been at my job two months and who keeps on someone who's already had to call out once b/c of this exact same illness in November?!? And oh yea, we visited friends yesterday and was he contagious then? Are they sick now too? Great, we're that family with the germ monkey children that infect the world... And on, and on, and on. I literally can't shut off my brain. I'm the worst. The worst mom ever. Ok, maybe not the worst. My children are warm, clean, fed and cared for. But am I passing on my anxiety to them? Can they read my expression when inside all I'm doing is screaming - GET ME OUT OF HERE?!? Because they didn't ask to be born. They didn't ask to come into this world to a mom who's such a basket case. They're gentle, innocent darlings.

What a day. What a birthday... I'm going to go drown myself in my cheap white sheet cake that Bub brought home for me... Don't worry - it's exactly what I asked for. I'm a sucker for a grocery store birthday cake.