Friday, June 27, 2014

screamy meltdown on aisle 4

i've been a momma now for nearly 4 years. certainly i'm no expert, but i feel like i'm beginning to wrack up a little experience... but i'm stumped. so if you have any helpful advice, please share.

how do some of you moms make it look so easy? i swear, still getting out the door in the morning takes the amount of effort reserved for things like passing a national law or getting the hubby to agree to a let me watch lifetime at night. i felt so great. we made it to the gym TWICE this week. this is huge. and today, i paid for it. i got the kiddos up and ready, only took about an hour (ugh), got rosie to preschool aaaannnndd realized i forgot her lunch. yep. mom of the year. left her little lunch bag in the fridge. ok - no biggie her teacher says - they have extra lunchy stuff for just such occasions. awesome. i feel like a loser mom, but at least she won't starve. on to the grocery store we go. i get the diaper bag. my purse. my pile of cloth grocery bags - you know trying to save planet earth for the kiddos. my list and coupons - you know trying to save a little cash so they kids can go to college someday. and we get in and E starts losing it. like screaming and throwing stuff and is shivering. he's burning up. and he had a weird rash this morning too. mommy is starting to put two and two together - my main man is sick :-( i start freaking out. who cares if i'm a nurse, your baby is sick and it's game over. he's got a rash people. a rash. a weird one. so i call bub, duh - he'll know what to do. call the dr. he says. great - i do - they can see him this afternoon... ok, but i've got to finish the shopping, so i carry him. all 20 pounds of him. in one arm and shop with the other. trying to go as fast i possibly can without running everyone else over. he's screaming. doesn't want anything but to be held. i'm sure i looked awesome man handling a watermelon into the cart single handed with a screamy boy in the other...

i could go on... but this is my day. my routine. what the what? what am i doing wrong? i try to do good - get back to the gym and the kiddo picks up a nasty little bug. i try to plan ahead and STILL my day falls apart. my house is a wreck. we're eating ham sandwiches for dinner. i haven't showered. what the frap am i missing?!? help a momma out!

alright - let's finish on a positive note. i did make it to the gym twice - better than none times. i did make several super healthy meals this week - black bean/spinach enchiladas one night and baked salmon another - woot. i only splurged one day this week so far and haven't had any candy/cookies/sugary junk otherwise. i'm determined to get healthy again. just wish the kiddos were on board with my plan too.

ok - it's about time to take tiny boy to the doctor.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

living intentionally.

so i used to be the queen of new year's resolutions. every year i would make a list of very detailed goals for the year ahead and most of the time i'd stick to them. then kids came. and nursing school. and life just got hectic. life these days is SLOWLY inching back towards a little "normal" - well, a new normal - you know having brief moments in your day where you can maybe, oh, i don't know - pee alone? or eat a meal without standing up? though, i'll admit, i still very rarely get the chance to use the bathroom alone. what is with kids needing to be in there when you've got business to do?!?

anyways, i made a list of new year's resolutions this past january. thinking, foolishly, i might have time to check a few of them off. well, here we are, june 1 and the list is toast. as in, i haven't been able to check off a single one of them. read a book a month i so grandly jotted down... yea, i just finished my SECOND book last night. as in all i've read is two book so far this year. but hey, that's two more books than i read last year, but still, TWO?

ok, moving along, the book i just finished last night was a little encourager titled Unglued. bub got it for me i think last christmas? if you know me at all you know i don't have to explain that i do in fact tend to come unglued from time to time. i'm stressed. i'm anxious. i'm freaking out all the time. it's who i am - a little high strung. i like to think it's what got me through nursing school. never, ever stop. never ever settle down. just keep going, going, going. BUT what if i don't need to continue to live my life this way? what if there could be a little peace and quiet out there for me?

the author shared a little about creating an intentional sabbath each week. doesn't have to be sunday necessarily, but it does need to be a day to disconnect from work, busyness, stress, chores - all the to-do's - and reconnect to your family, your faith, a little inner silence. this is such a hard one for us these days. i work most weekends. and so we are rarely all together and i think it's so important to rest together... i was off this weekend. and we thankfully took advantage of it. but it's hard. not running around getting stuff "done" feels lazy to me. it's sadly really hard to put the cell phone down. to not zone out with the tv on. but we did it today. we did church this morning. took the kiddos to the pool. left the tv off. had a family meal together. it's been wonderful. and restful and relaxing. i wish we could do this every week.

i encourage everyone to intentionally rest each week. to disconnect from all our busyness. to put the cell phone down. to turn the tv off. to stop trying to keep the house perfectly clean. look, i wasn't a loaf today - but i cooked dinner WITH rosie and she loved it :-) eli "helped" me sort the laundry - AKA wallowed all over the mountain of clothes, giggling the whole time. we spent the afternoon at the pool and ate popsicles and worshiped at church this morning. i hope we can keep it up.