why i do what i do...

i literally just snapped this pic and i love it. i know i'm biased, but aren't they gorgeous?!? we have one of those little play mats that belonged to nugg and now baby man is getting some good use out of it. anytime i pull it out for him to lay on nugg insists on laying beside him. it's actually really sweet, especially now that he's starting to smile a little.

these two are my reason for being. if all i ever did in this whole wide world was to have them then that would be enough for me. amazingly enough i am also so blessed to have a wonderful husband, a brand new career, dear friends and countless other blessings in my life.

life has handed us a few lemons in the last few weeks though. i passed the NCLEX - yea! but can't find a job - boo. i have LITERALLY applied for 200 jobs. do i tend to exaggerate from time to time? yes. am i stretching the truth here? not one tiny bit. and of all those applications and hours spent filling out my name, address, job history and references i have had ONE call back. one. there's an interview scheduled for next friday - if you think of it please say a prayer for our little family that something would work out and work out soon. bub lost his job last week. as in he went to work and was told there wasn't a place for him anymore. more specifically he was helping me. i had a drs appointment and he took off a couple of hours to help me wrangle the kiddos. he left work to pick us up and two hours later went back and was let go. let go... sounds so easy. but it's not. and i'm heartbroken for him. i've been there, been let go from a job and it sucks. but that was years ago, before we had kids, before we owned a home, when it was just us and a crappy little apartment to take care of. he worked for his employer for seven years. do i want to find the people responsible for this and give them a piece of my mind? yes. perhaps a piece of my fist too. how do you do that? how does someone who's worked their ass off for years just walk into a place and get told their position has been eliminated. like it's just no big thing. pack your office that you've been in for years and go. don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. seriously??? bub asked me to be kind on this blog of mine. kind. polite. professional. all bullshit words right now. i'd love for them to show a shred of kindness to him. and now we're screwed. let me starve, whatever. but our babies??? we've got two precious little souls to care for. to house, feed and cloth. oh yea, and a few bills to pay too... a mortgage. student loans - they don't much care if we've got an income or not. food is kinda nice too. my bub is an amazing man. he's committed to finding a new job, but you can't force it i guess. i hope something works out soon. he deserves it. and i hope he finds a place that appreciates him, because any company would be lucky to have him.
 
karma is a nasty little wench my friends... till then we'll keep our chins up and our resumes fresh. i know this ugly chapter of our life will be behind us soon.

three months?!?

seriously guys - its been three months since i blogged last. that's pitiful. i do have sort of a few good excuses though! i graduated from nursing school - woohoo!! i'm so incredibly proud of this accomplishment. i have never, ever worked my ass off so much. it was the hardest two years of my life. nuggie was 11 weeks old when i first started back to classes. i've never been good at school. so to attempt a whole new degree with a little baby at home was a huge undertaking. but i did it! and i did it this whole last year being pregnant again. those last couple of months were so hard! i was HUGE and exhausted and still taking care of nuggie... anyhow - it's done and i did it!!!! i waddled to graduation and got that nursing pin and now you can call me amanda, graduate nurse! hoping to add that RN as soon as i pass my boards!!

so then, about two weeks later we welcomed our second sweet child - baby eli! i was so sure for weeks he'd come early and i had had so many false alarms, but wouldn't you know the little stinker ended up being late. LATE! in fact i had scheduled an induction. and at 3:30 that morning, just a few hours before we were to head to the hospital to get the labor going, i actually went in to labor on my own. this was such a relief, i felt so weird scheduling the induction. i wanted my body to do its thing on its own. i'm not super granola-y and i love my pain meds, but i also am not one to alter what nature does pretty fantastically on its own. so with nugg safe at home with her grampy, bub and i headed to the hospital. from here baby man had a few scary moments. his cord was wrapped twice around his neck and he was in distress and so there ended up being meconium that got into his lungs. after he was born he wasn't breathing well and i literally got to give him a tiny kiss on the head and he was whisked away to the NICU. and they kept him for 12 hours. i know in the grand scheme of things we are so so blessed. he really was fine, but those first 12 hours were torture. i don't know how mom's do it with critically ill babies. it was the worst feeling in the world to have your baby and then not to be able to hold him or rock him. we visited in the NICU and weren't allowed to hardly even touch him. he was laying there crying and i couldn't do a thing to comfort him but to put a palm on his tiny, very bruised back (he also had a tough time getting out and so he was bruised all over his head and back). well, i'm happy to say he's perfect now. he's so much different than nugg. he's a very chill little man. he's a cuddle bug who loves to be held. he hates to be swaddled or confined in any way though - so he hates the car seat (makes car rides super awesome). he's strong and holds his head up like a tiny champ. he loves the swing and to be patted on his cute little booty. he's a delightful addition to our family! nugg is amazing with him and wants to help with everything. i can't wait for him to be a little less of a lump and a more active part of our little family. i'm also kind of ready for the longer stretches of sleep to kick in. we've had a little trouble with feedings and so the little chunk is eating about every 2 hours round the clock... needless to say bub and i are pretty tired. the great thing about having your second though - you know that this season will pass and that before you know it you have a toddler running around the house. so even when we're up for the 4th or 5th time i'm trying to soak it all up. they're only this tiny for such a short time. and this baby factory is CLOSED, so he's it for us. well at least it for us biologically, we do hope to add to our family via adoption in the future (but that's a story for another day) all that to say, i'm really trying, even in the middle of exhaustion and not showering or peeing or eating or drinking a glass of water, to really enjoy it. it's funny - all this chaos and craziness really is such a huge blessing, such a deep love you could never imagine existed!

ok - so - there's that. school. baby. next thing - find a job. i need one, pronto. because we are more broke than i care to admit... anybody need to hire an almost RN???

i'm gonna try to keep up with this blog again. be warned - it will probably consist of me talking about kids and not much else. well, probably wine, lots of wine, because that's how you survive the craziness that is two kids. and also i need to discuss with you my new love of mad men. which is like the best show ever. and i'm hoping to also discuss my renewed goal to lose the weight i've packed on the last couple of years. i'm signed up for my first 5K in a while and actually got my fat ass to the gym, both kids in tow thank-you-very-much, this morning...

alright, enough for now. if anyone still reads this thing thank you for sticking around!