to blog or not to blog?

As per usual I have gone many months since my last entry... I don't know, I LOVE to write, like really, really. On the other hand, why write something no one reads???

Guess I'll give my usual update :-)

The kids are doing wonderfully. We all survived the great Stomach Flu of '14 a few weeks ago. Rosalie was always the one to bring home an upper respiratory bug - colds, sore throats, croup - she was the queen of those ailments. E on the other hand really loves his GI bugs. Diarrhea, vomiting? That's his MO. Thanks buddy - the ENTIRE clan had the joy of sharing the germies over the week of Thanksgiving, even poor Gramps who came to visit was stricken. We all made it through though and hopefully we'll not catch it again for a while.

Work is going well. I started an amazing new job last month. It's just about perfection. I'm working maternal/newborn at a large hospital here in town. The only thing that would be make it even more perfect was if I was on an L&D floor... but I'll get there. In the meantime I'm adoring each shift more and more - what a blessing to be caring for sweet new babies and their lovely mommas. Such a change of pace from my last workplace. No one is sexually harrasing me, or swinging IV poles at me head. I haven't had to clean up CDIFF or break my back to roll a 300 pound pt over in the bed. I want to remind myself every day where I came from and what a blessing it is to be doing what I love finally.

Books! I've started reading again. I recently read Gone Girl (LOVED it!) and just last night finished up The Leftovers (which was really good, but the HBO series is SOOOOO much better). Any good recommendations? I'm for sure a fiction lover - what are you guys reading??

Ok - Rosie is fussing at me... Ahh, motherhood. I'll really, really try to write again soon.

xoxo

day 3

yo - i made energy balls tonight. balls.of.energy. maybe they'll really supply with actual energy and i can rocket through my day getting all the things done? eh, or maybe they'll just be super yummy??

the balls of energy are in fact yummy. thank you pinterest.

i made it to the gym today - win.

i also made it to my endocrinologist today and she informed me i've gained 3 pounds since my last check up - lose.

bub and i had an impromptu lunchy date. that was a win. life has been so rough on us lately. it is so easy to lose touch with someone even when you live under the same roof. when money is tight and stress is high even little things suddenly become very big. it felt like a little breath of fresh air to get out just bub and i, even for just an hour on a busy wednesday afternoon. i'm thankful for the these little things.

tomorrow is thursday. i don't know if that means anything to you.  but happy sept 4th dears!

Day One

What the what... It's September 1st. And I'm up. And everyone else is asleep. And I've got to admit it's pretty damn nice. I'm serious (or at least I think I am) about really, REALLY trying to start some new good, healthy habits this month and trying to ditch some of those old, bad ones. So I set my alarm for a stupid early hour this morning so I could get up and exercise before everyone was clinging to my legs and begging for attention.

We've been out of town for a few days and returned late last night. My sweet Grandma passed away. I'm so thankful we were able to join the family and all be together, well most of us. Two beautiful women in our family are/were VERY pregnant and couldn't travel. One sweet angel baby was actually born while we were up there this weekend! One is still warm and cozy in his momma's tummy, but I know that little guy will arrive soon :-)

Anyways, all this to say, we had a late night, a long weekend and the last thing I wanted to do was get up in the dark and exercise. But I did it. It's only day one, I won't go getting too cocky. But I did do it. Exercise is something I've long loved to do. Before the kiddos it was part of my daily routine to get into the Y every night after work for at least an hour or two. That's not my reality anymore and that's ok, but it isn't unreasonable to find a little time for myself to get some cardio or yoga in a few times a week. We have On Demand, it is FULL of workouts you can watch for free and so I did two of them this morning. No more excuses.

Now I'm sitting here have a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee in a a quiet kitchen. This is great. A little time to prepare for another busy day :-)

30 Days...

Thirty days... They say you can break a bad habit (or add a great new one) in that time. I need some new ones people and I need to ditch a few (or fifty) bad ones. So in 21 minutes we'll welcome a new month - September 1 - a month exactly 30 days long. I'm going to TRY to blog every day. Thirty days of the good, bad and ugly.

Life is a messy whirlwind these days. A hurricane of dirty diapers, overstretched schedules, exhausted frustrations. I'm not one to shy away from honesty - to lay it all out there - because that's how we grow. Being transparent allows others to learn from what we're going through and it's how I ask for help. How I let others know, hey, I need advice, help, love.

Can an exhausted mommy, frazzled wife and anxious woman - all rolled in to one - find peace? Find God's path? Find a calm heart?

Eh.... I don't know. I'm skeptical. BUT I'm putting a new foundation into place. I want to chronicle it - mostly b/c I'm hoping it will help to keep me accountable, but maybe a little too that it will speak to another frazzled mommy, another wounded heart.

Happy September first my dears. Here's to a new month, a fresh start and lots of grace ahead!

xoxo

screamy meltdown on aisle 4

i've been a momma now for nearly 4 years. certainly i'm no expert, but i feel like i'm beginning to wrack up a little experience... but i'm stumped. so if you have any helpful advice, please share.

how do some of you moms make it look so easy? i swear, still getting out the door in the morning takes the amount of effort reserved for things like passing a national law or getting the hubby to agree to a let me watch lifetime at night. i felt so great. we made it to the gym TWICE this week. this is huge. and today, i paid for it. i got the kiddos up and ready, only took about an hour (ugh), got rosie to preschool aaaannnndd realized i forgot her lunch. yep. mom of the year. left her little lunch bag in the fridge. ok - no biggie her teacher says - they have extra lunchy stuff for just such occasions. awesome. i feel like a loser mom, but at least she won't starve. on to the grocery store we go. i get the diaper bag. my purse. my pile of cloth grocery bags - you know trying to save planet earth for the kiddos. my list and coupons - you know trying to save a little cash so they kids can go to college someday. and we get in and E starts losing it. like screaming and throwing stuff and is shivering. he's burning up. and he had a weird rash this morning too. mommy is starting to put two and two together - my main man is sick :-( i start freaking out. who cares if i'm a nurse, your baby is sick and it's game over. he's got a rash people. a rash. a weird one. so i call bub, duh - he'll know what to do. call the dr. he says. great - i do - they can see him this afternoon... ok, but i've got to finish the shopping, so i carry him. all 20 pounds of him. in one arm and shop with the other. trying to go as fast i possibly can without running everyone else over. he's screaming. doesn't want anything but to be held. i'm sure i looked awesome man handling a watermelon into the cart single handed with a screamy boy in the other...

i could go on... but this is my day. my routine. what the what? what am i doing wrong? i try to do good - get back to the gym and the kiddo picks up a nasty little bug. i try to plan ahead and STILL my day falls apart. my house is a wreck. we're eating ham sandwiches for dinner. i haven't showered. what the frap am i missing?!? help a momma out!

alright - let's finish on a positive note. i did make it to the gym twice - better than none times. i did make several super healthy meals this week - black bean/spinach enchiladas one night and baked salmon another - woot. i only splurged one day this week so far and haven't had any candy/cookies/sugary junk otherwise. i'm determined to get healthy again. just wish the kiddos were on board with my plan too.

ok - it's about time to take tiny boy to the doctor.

living intentionally.

so i used to be the queen of new year's resolutions. every year i would make a list of very detailed goals for the year ahead and most of the time i'd stick to them. then kids came. and nursing school. and life just got hectic. life these days is SLOWLY inching back towards a little "normal" - well, a new normal - you know having brief moments in your day where you can maybe, oh, i don't know - pee alone? or eat a meal without standing up? though, i'll admit, i still very rarely get the chance to use the bathroom alone. what is with kids needing to be in there when you've got business to do?!?

anyways, i made a list of new year's resolutions this past january. thinking, foolishly, i might have time to check a few of them off. well, here we are, june 1 and the list is toast. as in, i haven't been able to check off a single one of them. read a book a month i so grandly jotted down... yea, i just finished my SECOND book last night. as in all i've read is two book so far this year. but hey, that's two more books than i read last year, but still, TWO?

ok, moving along, the book i just finished last night was a little encourager titled Unglued. bub got it for me i think last christmas? if you know me at all you know i don't have to explain that i do in fact tend to come unglued from time to time. i'm stressed. i'm anxious. i'm freaking out all the time. it's who i am - a little high strung. i like to think it's what got me through nursing school. never, ever stop. never ever settle down. just keep going, going, going. BUT what if i don't need to continue to live my life this way? what if there could be a little peace and quiet out there for me?

the author shared a little about creating an intentional sabbath each week. doesn't have to be sunday necessarily, but it does need to be a day to disconnect from work, busyness, stress, chores - all the to-do's - and reconnect to your family, your faith, a little inner silence. this is such a hard one for us these days. i work most weekends. and so we are rarely all together and i think it's so important to rest together... i was off this weekend. and we thankfully took advantage of it. but it's hard. not running around getting stuff "done" feels lazy to me. it's sadly really hard to put the cell phone down. to not zone out with the tv on. but we did it today. we did church this morning. took the kiddos to the pool. left the tv off. had a family meal together. it's been wonderful. and restful and relaxing. i wish we could do this every week.

i encourage everyone to intentionally rest each week. to disconnect from all our busyness. to put the cell phone down. to turn the tv off. to stop trying to keep the house perfectly clean. look, i wasn't a loaf today - but i cooked dinner WITH rosie and she loved it :-) eli "helped" me sort the laundry - AKA wallowed all over the mountain of clothes, giggling the whole time. we spent the afternoon at the pool and ate popsicles and worshiped at church this morning. i hope we can keep it up.

Happy 1st Birthday E!

My little puddin' pie is ONE today!! how can this be?? where did this year go?

Elijah - my tiny main squeeze - has totally stolen my heart. I'm only beginning to understand what it means to be a "boy mom"  - to know the certain special connection a mommy and her son have.

E, Eli, Eli-Pie, Bubba - you have completed our little family boo boo!

Eli is 100% boy - rough and tumble through and through. He's already walking, probably b/c he wants to chase after sissy and pull her hair. He's already climbing - up onto anything he can get his tiny hands on. We've already had our fair share of bumps and bruises and most of the time it leaves me baffled. Sissy could be set on the couch and would chill and watch and take things in... Not you sir, you want to be in the middle of things, be on top of things, literally :-) You don't give hugs, you give a head-butt to show you love someone. You are such a happy baby boy. You love riding in the car, watching cars, and playing with cars - basically anything with wheels makes you happy. You're not an awesome eater - you try to choke on most things - but you do love cheerios and shredded cheese :-) You LOVE bathtime and splashing and making messes. You love to dance and wiggle your tiny booty. 

This time last year we were worried to death about our little bruiser, who was born quite literally covered in bruises :-( He had a tough beginning, stuck in the NICU for a short time, looking like he'd already gone several rounds in a fight... But soon enough he was in our arms, safe and sound and totally perfect. He was a little late and I was supposed to be induced, but wouldn't you know that morning I went into the hospital he decided on his own that that would be his birthday... Just like him already - deciding exactly what he wanted.

Eli is a blessing, a wonder, a handsome little fellow with a personality that bubbles over with giggles and grins. I can't wait to see it unfold over the years. It is a joy and a privilege to be a momma to this sweet baby man.

tell me about the houses

my sweet rosalie insists on being tucked in every night when i'm not working and we have the most precious script that has to be followed each time...

"mommy, let's talk about the houses"
    - i have no idea what on earth she means by this or where it started, but every night it's the same

"who's house should we talk about?"
   - at this point she almost nearly always asks to talk about the neighbor's house.

"ok, let's talk about i & a's house"
    - and we talk about the chickens who live there. because she loves critters. i can't wait till we have chickens of our own for her to care for and look after :-)

"ok, rosie, time for night night kisses."

"mommy, wait, we have to talk about one more thing... mommy, what present do you want?"

"flowers, mommy always wants flowers."

"pink or red?" "mommy, what box do you want them in?"


and this is where it ends. usually... occasionally she wants to talk about the other neighbors house - he has a blue truck - she's obsessed with it.

does anyone else out there find these silly little quarks with their kiddos?? i love that she always wants to talk about "what present do you want" b/c this is rosalie to a T. always giving, always wanting to know what she can do to make someone else happy. she is precious. tender hearted. my sweetest baby girl :-)

remember that time...

hey guys, remember that time i had a blog? and while i didn't update ALL the time, i did try to post at least once a month or something... and then we had another baby and i started a new job? well, i'm back. i guess? i'll try.

the kiddos are amazing. e's gonna be a year old next week. seriously. how did that happen? nugget is smack in the middle of 3, rounding the corner to 4 and is sassy, and opinionated and totally wonderful. i adore these two wonderful wonders.

work is - ugh - tough, amazing, rough, exhausting and the best thing i've ever done. can't talk about it much - HIPPA and blah, blah, blah. wish i could share the stories. being a nurse allows you to see all sorts of gnarly things.

that's all i got now. hang on to your biscuits friends. things will hopefully be a little more exciting around here.