should be sleeping, but...

i should be sleeping, but i'm wide awake. that's what several large caffeinated beverages will do to me. i'll try to hit the hay shortly, but figured i'd go ahead and blog a bit.

school is getting set to wind down for the semester. i'm anxiously awaiting my letter to see if i made it into the nursing program for the fall. rumor has it they won't be sent out till the end of the month... why are they dragging this out so long? it's not like it's a big stack of applications they have to sort through. it's a teeny tiny school! another reason i'm anxious about it is that it will determine my summer/fall plans. if i didn't get in i'll take the summer off and take microbiology and ethics in the fall. if i did get in then i'll be cramming summer school into my schedule.

i recently read on this super cool chicky's blog about her trials and adventures of being a new stay at home momma. and some hateful comments popped up on one of her entries. everyone is allowed to have their opinions, but why do you have to hate on a newly created stay at home momma? aren't all new moms frazzled enough? aren't we all sort of wondering - what the frap happened to my old life and will i EVER fit back into my old jeans? and oh, by the way, you're now totally responsible for the care and rearing of a tiny, helpless human being?? and it's a job that lasts 20 years!?! to think what we do isn't a "legit" life calling or whatever - all i have to say is bull crap. just as someone commented on her blog, i'll agree totally - you work 24 hours a day for no pay and for a boss who's a little tyrant. no one says thank you. you don't have coworkers to chat with, you get a drooly toothless baldy baby. you don't get an hour lunch break to yourself - you get to think - oh crap, it's 2pm and i still haven't brushed my teeth, or peed, or eaten anything more than handfuls of fruit loops. a full nights sleep is a distant memory. praise from anyone is out the door. an excuse to wear nice shoes or a skirt??? yeah, that'll just get spit up and poop all over it. better go with the old standby - yoga pants and an old tshirt.

BUT

it is without a doubt the most rewarding, amazing, wonderful "job" i've ever had. am i worn out all the time, yes. but i wouldn't trade it for a second of any of those "legit" jobs i had before nuggie came into the picture. is it for everyone, no. can everyone afford to stay at home with their kids, no. we are extremely blessed that i can. does every woman even WANT to stay at home, no to that too. and that's ok. let's all just love on each other and our life choices. but let's not also think that the life of a stay at home momma is sitting on the couch watching dr. phil and painting our toenails.

whew - ok, i'll stop ranting now. it just really got me riled up that she was hated on for writing about the "real" side of being a SAHM. why does everyone think we all must fit into the perfect june cleaver ideal? that we all must be wearing our sweet little apron with a perfectly clean baby and a pot roast and martini waiting for the husband when he gets home? can't i vent a little about the hard days? can't i be honest about what i struggle with? can't we all say, yeah - being a mommy sort of sucks sometimes, but. oh. my. goodness. it is SOOO worth it! nuggie grabbed at a flowers in a vase last night. she was sitting in her bumbo near them and it didn't occur to me to move them, she's never shown an interest in anything like that before. when she had those flowers in her sweet little fist though i couldn't have been happier! she is learning and growing and being curious and i LOVED seeing her try something new... it's the little moments like that when you think Oh My, i am the luckiest girl in the world. and today i did brush my teeth before 7am, so it really was a good day :-)